Now dont get me wrong, I dont think it really matters what name you use when writing, as long as you use your own individual voice, that's all that matters, it's just that I think more people would be influenced to check out the ship entries if I penned them under my real name. I mean, there are several or more excellent ocean liner pages on Facebook, as well as the rest of the internet, and not one of them even recognized any of the ocean liner pieces I've done so far. I hold my ships very close to my heart and just as I stand proudly in the battle against Hiv/AIDS, I'd like to do the same when it comes to educating others on maritime history. I could be totally wrong about all of this, totally out in left field, but I think I need to explore the possibilities.
This blog will not depreciate in my priorities whatsoever should I decide to go ahead and give a new blog the good ole' college try. Luctor Et Emergo, as corny as it may sound for any writer to admit, is my baby, my pride-n-joy, it really is, because it has helped me learn so much about myself along the way as well as about people in general. That's something you just cant put a pricetag on, being able to watch yourself grow along the way. Plus in reviewing some of my previous pieces, I've noticed that as much as my readers do enjoy reading this blog, I've also noticed that a coupla pieces that are extra-special to me really didnt make as much of an impact on others as I previously hoped they would.
Granted, reading truly is a matter of personal interpretation but maybe somewhere along the way, I somehow realized that some of the things I've always been fearful of others finding out about me really werent as "bad" or frightening as I previously perceived. What I mean is that I always thought to myself "Oh gawd, if I bring this-or-that subject up, it could start up an entire media frenzy around me all over again, just like in the past when Jack was alive." But it didnt. It hasnt happened. And I'm not so sure it ever will. And that's good, it's a good thing that for the first time in many years people are viewing me for my contributions and accomplishments and not because of someone else's. To be respected for one's individuality, damn, not only is that yet another thing none of us can put a pricetag on but look at all the people out there who take sucha thing as that for granted, you know what I mean? Most people dont think twice about something like that, it becomes second-nature to them; but, for someone like me, who has lived the kinda life I have and who has experienced what I have? I think the waterworks rolling down my cheeks right now say it all.
Of course, this does mean that people will most likely find out my true identity. Some may wonder "How so? Why not just keep the 2 totally seperate, as you've always done Spice?" Yes, I suppose I could do that but almost everyone out there knows that you can NEVER hide your true voice. It doesnt matter what name you write under, what topics you write about or what images you post - people will always see through the mask and realize that it's the real you after all, so why even bother trying to hide it? Plus, I just wanna be able to be myself like the rest of y'all; or, at least those of you who are yourselves online....I know, that's an internet oxymoron these days, isnt it? Sometimes I just wanna stand up and say "Look Sparky, this is who I am and if you cant handle it, just get over yourself!" Quite frankly, I'm not totally there just yet but trust me, there are days and nights when that envelope gets pushed very very hard.
So when I do attempt to do this 2nd blog, I'm just gonna be myself and if folks put two-and-two together, well, we'll see if that will ever even happen. Everyone knows about me and my Jack, they know of my close friendship with Vito Russo and so far - knock on wood, please, thank you! - no media blitz fall-out. So my guess (or should I classify it as an admission?) is that folks are gonna be much more laid-back about it when the real me surfaces anyways. They'll probaly just exclaim "Eh" and the next day it will be business as usual.
The new blog is definitely NOT gonna be here at Posterous.com. Enough of that bullshit, I'm gonna do it over at Wordpress.com or maybe back to Blogspot.com where I originally started blogging from in the first place. I plan to name it in honor of what a close friend once called me - "The Ship-Whisperer." Some folks may find that semi-humorous, but I love that name, it suits me perfectly. I may not know everything there is to know about every ocean liner ever afloat from yesteryear up until today, but I know a helluva lot more than most people could ever know in a lifetime. So, we'll see what happens. Thank you for listening to me ramble on about all of this and as always, thank you for reading.
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